What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
