I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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