Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
