I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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