Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
