My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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