ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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