So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
