Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
