I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
