we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
