What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
