Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
