John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
