Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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