My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize