I am puke
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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