her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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