He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
