So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I love you. Go after that dick
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
