He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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