i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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