I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
