Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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