he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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