We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
