he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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