She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
