happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
