There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
