I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
