my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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