I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
