so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
