He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize