I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
