It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
