I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
