Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
