am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
