So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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