It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
