I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ok first of all what the fuck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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