I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
