We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
tell me about the fingering
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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