Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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