hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
