I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
