Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
