she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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