I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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