Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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