dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
