Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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