i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
