Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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