I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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