I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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