I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
