i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
